Including children in household chores gives them hands-on learning through routine tasks while they share the family work load and learn responsibility. Chores help children develop eye-hand coordination, organize sequences, understand how parts make up the whole and learn to solve problems. Children learn best through natural life experiences like chores that they can relate to and interact with. Everyday tasks can be an enjoyable way to spend quality time with your child. And it's a better way to help your child prepare for school than memorization or worksheets on numbers, letters or words.

A general rule in teaching self-help skills is:
Don't do things for children that they can do by themselves.

However, that doesn't mean expecting your child to work independently. You need to have reasonable expectations and provide patient guidance. What is reasonable to expect for one child may be totally unrealistic for another. To determine what is reasonable for your child, look at your values, then consider your child's age, temperament, experiences and learning style.

Children learn to be responsible in small steps. First, children need to observe parents doing the task. Next, allow the child to help with a job. Then, observe the child while he carries out the job. The patience required to stand by, hands at your sides, while the child struggles with what seems a simple task will pay off as he gains confidence and skills. This leads to the child's willingness and ability to help. Next, the child will do a task with limited reminding or supervision. In setting the table, he may forget the napkins or spoons and need your prompting, "Let's check to see if we have everything we need." Finally, the child will be able to do the job independently and completely without reminders.

Positive Approaches to Help Your Child Assume Responsibility

• Don't expect your preschooler to do something beyond her years. The extent of involvement for the average 3- or 4-year-old is to help others with household jobs. Preschoolers test limits. As they push toward independence, at one moment they may be willing and at the next moment resistant.
  
  
• Make it fun. If children are ordered to do a task, they recognize they are in a power struggle and increase their resistance because they perceive the outcome is a big deal to you. Most children are more cooperative and enjoy working with a cheerful adult who makes the work fun.
  
  
• Give real but limited choices. Because children are into power, testing and refusals may be less of a power struggle when you give children certain kinds of choices. The wording of the choice is important. "Would you like to put the napkins or the forks on the table?" Don't say, "Would you like to set the table?" unless you're willing to take no for an answer. Saying, "What would you like to do to help?" can also overwhelm children because of the many possibilities. When choice is not possible, state the fact. "We're all going to the store. Will you ride in the cart or push it?"
  
  
• Give specific praise. Praise that is specific to the task is most effective. "Look! All the books are back on the shelves, the clothes are in the hamper and the bed is made. That's what I call a clean room."
  
  
• Use reason. When children are told why they should or should not do something, it becomes a learning situation. A statement such as, "Let's pick up the Legos so they don't get broken" is more reasonable and likely to get a positive response than, "Pick up this mess."
  
  
• Focus the child's attention on the job. For the child with a messy room, you may have greater success by directing the child's attention to the job, forewarning that, "In a few minutes it will be time to clean up the toys." However, children differ in their capacity to respond to warnings. Some need a substantial amount of time to complete what they are doing before switching into a new activity.
  
  
• Make a game out of getting dressed or picking up toys. Try the Mary Poppins Principle: 10-minute Panic Pick-up. Set a timer, on the mark, get set, go. Chores can almost be fun as you race the time.

Think of common tasks in which to involve preschoolers: dress self, brush teeth, pick up belongings, put dirty clothes away, hang up clean clothes, make bed, wipe spills, set table, fix simple snacks, wash dishes, carry boxed or canned goods from the grocery sacks to reachable storage shelf, help feed pets, sort laundry, measure ingredients.

Think of the variety of skills to be learned. Home can be an important learning environment. Use it!

Source:
NDSU Extension Service, North Dakota State University of Agriculture and Applied Science, and U.S. Department of Agriculture cooperating.